can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
