One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Fuck appropriateness.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
