I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize