we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
sick fucks of a feather flock together
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
