Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
