Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
There's always time for handjobs
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
