i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My vagina is officially offended.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize