I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
