Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
