Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
