We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
