I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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