Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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