At least make sure they are 18
Why
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
