I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize