Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We left the knife in your bed.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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