What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
