awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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