but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
