There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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