Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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