spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
