are you so shy because you have an std?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
