if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
