i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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