Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
