He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize