Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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