your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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