You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
