I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize