On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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