he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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