At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
