He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
