I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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