dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
