this beer tastes like vomit already
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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