dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
