your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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