the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
