i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
