I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
