They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
