and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
do herpes really smell.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize