so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
