I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He told me they were just razor bumps!
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize