Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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