I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
