How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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