After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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