So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
