Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
