Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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