i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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