i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My feet surprised me
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
