is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
