i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
