remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize