You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
it's like heaven, but drunker
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
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