i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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