puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
