my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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