now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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