my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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