Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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