woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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