I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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