thus making me awesome and them whores
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
