Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
