She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize