just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
