i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
