It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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