So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
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