The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
they're like a gay fantastic four
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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