Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Alive.
So much puke
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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