i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
