I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
