remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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