The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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