If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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