...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
