Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
