so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
