Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
