i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
