Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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