My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize