and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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