I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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