That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
