did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
