I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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