just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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