So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
