well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
