Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
