Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
