quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
