ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm really busy with my period
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