My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
