You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
