apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
