Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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