i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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