I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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