I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
