Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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